Of Relationships and Trust Issues

Wednesday, January 14, 2015
a week back a friend was talking to me and then she suddenly said this...

"I don't know if it's just me or what but... Have u ever had trust issues in your relationship(s)?"
"I feel insecure if he doesn't text back or call or say I LOVE U."
"Am I the problem?"

truth is..

YES! i had trust issues in previous relationships but i'm not having issues in my current relationship. WHY so? (the fact that i got to know my current boyfie via a social media app should make me more insecure but NOH!)

so..what was the cause of my insecurity? what made me that way? or who caused me to be insecure? so many questions asked, so few answers.

in the world that is filled with temptations and with human's curiosity, it is not easy to resist them. all of these are really based on self-discipline and respect towards your other half.

i was younger, naive and i always thought the world would be the same too. i expected that if i am to treat him that way, he'd do the same too. yet the insecurity within me still strikes. i was once cheated by one of my ex which hurts really badly so i told myself to never do that.

and in fact, in my next relationship i had trust issues from early stage. i feared a lot. which is pretty unfair to my other half. i've got to admit that i've checked his phone and i tend to over-think when he decides to meet his friends or attend a wedding without me. that lasted for a couple of months before that insecurity and trust was properly built.

it really isn't easy to put all of these into words. i've come a long way with some realizations on having relationship trust issues. it really is u.

here are some signs of u having trust issues.

1. Checking on him/her
- While privacy is an essential, it still is mandatory in the relationship. You start peeking into his/her phone. You check their last seen time on Whatsapp. You just want to know whatever he or she is doing at every moment of his/her life with or without you around.

2. Thinking / Assuming the Worse
- Fearing of the worse would only makes things worse. You start thinking if he/she is probably out with another person on a date when they are not replying your texts or answering your call. In fact, he/she might have fell asleep or be in a meeting.

3. Mind Games
- In my previous blogpost on Mind Games (read HERE), I've mentioned that if you are interested, don't start playing "hard-to-get so that you get what you're worth." Who is to determine your value anyway?. In this episode, you probably use "To get his/her attention, you dont give him/her your attention." Well, it's not the way when you both are already together.

4. Jealousy over the Smallest Matters
- You monitor his/her every move. So he/she probably liked an opposite gender's Facebook status and photo but that doesn't mean that they are interested in the person or do they?

and here's what you should really do to fix your trust issues.

1. Communicate
- In order to be with one and another, you have to communicate. Share your views, plans and expectations. You can't expect someone else to just read your mind!

2. Don't Revenge on the Next
- Just because u were badly hurt in your previous relationship and that he/she betrayed u, it doesn't mean u should or can do the same to the next person.

3. Forgive & Forget
- Locking yourself and dwelling in the past won't help in your new relationship and it's only going to make it worse! Let go of the past, learn from it and be a better person.

4. Grow up!
- It is understandable if you're still at the age of 18~23. You're still in the growing process but if u're way above that age, it's time u grow up already!

5. Stop Over-Thinking
- The more you think, the worse it becomes! Remember that you don't own the person and they should also have their personal time and space.

6. Be Truthful
- Be honest and do not start even if it is a small white lie. Open up if there is anything that is bothering you whether it is work or even the relationship.

To built a smooth relationship, you've really got to stop taking your own securities and then blaming it on others. Don't take the past and reflect it in the new relationship. No one is perfect and imperfection is the beauty of the relationship. There may be small and big arguments but these are part of life and life's excitement!

the best way to a relationship for me right now is to not have unrealistic expectations so there won't be stupid disappointments which would end up leading the relationship into a downturn.

nothing comes easy. u will have to go through the ups and downs in every part of life. embrace it and learn as you move. :)
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